The Man in the Bus

Apologies for the return of the lazy busy sandwich, digestion of which kept me once more from my beloved blog-readers, and even more beloved blog-comment writers! Actually I am still busy, maybe not so lazy. I shouldn't be writing this, since I have lots to do today and little time in which to do it, but I felt coincidence beckoning and couldn't resist. Yesterday I watched one of my favorite movies, Napoleon Dynamite, for what must have been the 20th time. And last night I received an e-mail via my Japanese homepage from a young lady in Tokyo whom I have never met. It seems she also watched the movie and did a search under the Japanese title, バス男, or "Bus Man". Since I mention it on my profile, she found me. She asked me to translate some poetry from English to Japanese.... First I will need to translate it from English to English! Anyway, here is her review of バス男, followed by the Google mutilation, uh, I mean translation:

コメディ映画『バス男』を観たけど、、題名の意味が分らないままだった〜。
主人公の容姿やナポレオン・ダイナミックという名前からして、ほ〜ん(*￣￣*)って面白いのだけれど、、『バス男』と何の関連があったんだろ･･･。
特典メニューも全て見たけど関連性がつかめずじまい。
まいいっか。

ナポレオン役のジョン・ヘダー、いいわ〜♪
テケテケ走る姿もクスっと笑える。
何気にダンスうまかったし（笑）
ああいう人、私好きだわ〜

「肉のハナマサ」で買ったワインでも飲んで、次はCDを聞きましょ

The rice D movie 'bus man' was seen however, meaning of title did not continue to understand, -. The figure of the protagonist and doing from the name, Napoleonic dynamic, the [ho] - it is (*) it is the [tsu] [te] to be funny however, 'some relation met with the bus man', it is the [ro] which is…. However the benefit menu everything you saw, it cannot grasp connection and the stripe is. Will not it is, the [tsu]? John [heda] of Napoleonic part, good [wa] - ♪ [teketeke] the [kusu] [tsu] you can laugh also the form which it runs. Dance it was good in some air and (laughing) such person, me favorite the [wa] - with drinking even with the wine which is bought “[hanamasa] of the meat”, the next inquires about CD, the better [yo]

As for real life, well, I have plenty to blog about. And I have been keeping a list. My vacation is coming soon, so perhaps I will find free time and motivation along for the journey to help me with my mission. Though I must confess, lack of comments makes Hack a slow poster! I am thinking of my readers, here. I want to know it is being taken in in the proper order, see? It reminds me of Pink Floyd (and I believe this is the second time I have mentioned Pink Floyd in my ramblings): "How can you have any pudding if you don't eat your meat?!"

The Man in the Box

No, this is not a post about my apartment, though that too would be fitting, given the title. This is a post about a little Japanese TV I happened to see at nearly 2 a.m. tonight.


Picture this:

Two men. One cardboard box. One roll of tape. One timer.

Rock, Paper, Scissors.

Loser gets in box. Winner gets on top. Tape goes on box. Timer is started. Box tips to and fro, eventually toppling over. But time keeps ticking and Box Man cannot free himself. Tape Man finally removes some of the tape, then walks away laughing hysterically. Well over one minute has passed. Box which had been shaking violently is now barely moving. Tape Man stops laughing long enough to realize that perhaps Box Man cannot breathe. Panics. Moves to remove the remaining tape. Suddenly the box explodes open and Box Man emerges, disheveled and breathless. "I couldn't get any air! [gasp gasp] I thought I was going to die in there!" Tape Man remembers timer, dives to the ground to grab it as quickly as possible, and stops it. But then doesn't bother to read the time.

Crowd applauds with uproarious laughter.

Both men look at a large countdown timer visible on the stage and realize that they have only 7 minutes until the next commercial break. All is forgotten. Onto next bit.

What can we all learn from this? That it is worthwhile to practice Rock, Paper, Scissors, for one thing. It may very well pay off someday. Then again, some of us on the mere basis of size alone would never qualify to become Box Men. But better safe than sorry....

Food Poisoning & Unfortunate

Here is the Google Translator rendering of my last post, title included (I will be doing this more often since I am now maintaining an entirely Japanese page as well. Enjoy!):


The yesterday kind [otsusan] friend you ate out. Him going to Viking which is chosen, you ate of course all the way. As for MENU: Plate noodles, the China frying, the curry rice, sirloin stake, gratin. As for dessert cake and ice-cream. You drank also the fruit juice. Entirely so-so tasty kana - with. Then it struck and went to the [tsu] releasing. It was golf team member in high school student age. That time the [me] [tsu] [chi] [ya] of the grandfather and the coach old golf club you use. So how hole in one it was possible! It was not believed! And 15 years later… first sphere it is enormous straightly, it flew! You were surprised! Obtaining -? 'It can go and it is?' being said, the just a little self-confidence increasing seed. But, after that at all it was useless. However advice of the friend you heard already, after all like this the sport which is said is not agreeable with my character, what it becomes moldy and tries the [yo] [u] the place being many. So the friend encouraging directly, just a little, tries probably to persevere it is. When the [a] [a] [a], it stopped more quickly, it was good! Even after that full swinging the club of the friend,… you break and the [chi] [ya] [tsu] are! While the friend laughing, 'it was good, it was good!'With you say. 'With something?'With hearing, 'you throw away it is and the empty. It is good, at all to an air!' So such it is simple to say. It was shy! However the friend it was good being kind so, don't you think?. Returning at around 11 o'clock in the afternoon, it became feeling bad. It lifted to the thing rest room which you ate. As for the mouth it is not the entrance and the [tsu] [chi] [ya] [tsu] it is in the [te] exit. Today in the house it smelled directly. At last now just a little it became better. The [wa] which temporarily does not go to that Viking. It does not go to either the striking [tsu] releasing -. The [wa] which this time is possible to be the boring. Even there something the kana which can be broken? You understood. The ball of the friend you do not borrow!

食中毒 ＆ 気の毒

昨日優しいオッサン友達と外食しました。彼選んだバイキングに行って、もちろんいっぱい食べた。MENUは：皿うどん、唐揚げ、カレーライス、サーロインステーキ、グラタン。デザートはケーキとアイスクリーム。フルーツジュースも飲みました。全部まあまあ美味しかったかなーと。

それから打ちっ放しへ行った。高校生時代にゴルフチームメンバだった。その時お爺さんとコーチのめっちゃ古いゴルフクラブ使ってた。でもなんとホールインワン出来た！信じられなかった！

そして１５年後・・・

一球目まっすぐに凄い飛んだ！びっくりした！えー？『いけるやんか』と言われてちょっと自信増えたね。

しかし、その後は全然だめだった。友達のアドバイスもう聞いたけどやっぱりこう言うスポーツは私の性格と合わない、なんかびみょうな所が多くて。でも友達はずっと励ましてもちょっと頑張ろうと思うた。あぁあ、もっと早くやめたら良かった！だってその後友達のクラブをフルスイングして・・・壊しちゃった！

友達笑いながら『よかった、よかった！』と言ってた。『何で？』と聞いて、『捨てるもんやから。いいよ，全然気にしないで！』

でもそんな言うのは簡単。恥ずかしかった！友達そんなに優しくて良かったけどね。

午後１１時頃に帰って、気分悪くなってきた。食べた物トイレにあげた。口は入り口ではなくて出口になっちゃった。今日ずっと家の中におった。やっと今ちょっとましになった。

とりあえずあのバイキングに行かないわ。打ちっ放しにも行かないな〜。今度ボーリングでいいわ。あそこでも何か壊せるかな？分かった。友達のボール借りません！

My Neighborhood

This picture was taken from the train station nearest my apartment. Not a bad place to live. Too quiet, though! And it would be nice if the river actually had water in it, but I guess I can't have everything. The ocean is just a few minutes' walk away, so I can manage.

Geek Week

I am turning into an internet geek. But probably just for a little while. In the last few days I have created myspace and ringo accounts, and joined a Japanese online community, where I post just like I do here but not in English. Good way to study the language and culture, I thought. And I was correct. But now things have gotten really out of hand. I actually took the time to write a review of a product on Yahoo! I bought a new digital camera at Costco the other day and I have been very happy with it. I don't know what possessed me to go to the trouble, but I did. You can see it, I think, if you click on the title of this post. This nerdiness can't last, so if any of you are concerned about me, don't be. It is a welcome distraction from other mental meanderings that are less edifying.

Use and Abuse

BEFORE:



AFTER:



Went to Costco the other day, again, even though I didn't intend to buy anything. My friends are just using me for my membership. Oh well, it gave me something to do. Of course I ended up spending about $100, though nearly half of that was to renew my membership. So I can keep getting used. Anyway, while I was waiting for the user of the day to apply for a credit card, I encountered Tai-chan, one of my students, and his cousin Yuna. His mom came later to rescue them, but I gave her the camera instead. I was looking through my pictures and I noticed that there are a lot where I am attacking children. Hmm... all I can say in my defense is: THEY STARTED IT!!

Where's the Beaver?

Sadly, he was unaccounted for. Las Vegas took priority, apparently. But we salute him, nonetheless.

This picture is from my alma mater's recent homecoming football game. It was also our 5-year reunion. Miraculously, our team emerged victorious, and for a few moments, a lot of people who don't care at all about the success of the football team found themselves cheering ecstatically. I was among them, and I make no apologies. And my pants and shirt are ruined thanks to Crazy Carl the Cokehead. That was a non-sequitir. Don't try to make a connection. There isn't one. Next time I am stateside I want Crazy Carl the Cokehead to take me shopping. And he will not be allowed to drink while driving the cart.

Alive and Clicking

I have so much to say that I will say nothing. Well, almost nothing. This photo is from the homestead in eastern Oregon. Visited there last month, though as usual I didn't have nearly enough time. This picture is a lot like how I have been feeling lately, which is also one of my reasons for such a prolonged absence from merry adventuring. These days I am an angry, lonely man, and my countenance is a stop sign to those who might approach me, while my gut is filled with rocks. No not kidney stones, but little balls of rage that threaten to produce ulcers and rob me of precious sleep. But I am getting better, I think. I have to go have dinner with someone I don't even like now so that I can get my DVDs back. After I get home, maybe I will write something happy. Perhaps, just as influenza led to the creation of this blog, extreme irritation will foster more nifty results. We can only wait and hope! By the way, the technical term for this apparatus, which forms the corner of a barbed-wire fence line (and I will leave it to the reader to continue the analogy--or not... I am feeling rather prickly), is "rock dummy". How very fitting. Grrr. Be nice to me or I might write a post that I will later have to erase in regret. Don't tempt the fury.

Be True to Your School Newspaper

Been away from the ol' blog for a while. Ventured stateside to check on my peeps. Got wrangled into an interview in the process. Had to wait 5 years after graduating but at last I got my name in the school paper. OK, it might have made it in a time or two before.... Click here to go there.

Extreme Thumb Wrestling OR Yubizumo Yokozuna

I recently became acquainted with a young lady who is without question the best thumbwrestler I have ever faced. I had considered myself a relatively formidable opponent, but I now have cause for doubt. The person in question claims to have only been beaten once, by a soccer player in Hong Kong with exceptionally well-developed digits. I am not usually THAT competitive, but after numerous defeats I began wanting just one victory, to somehow redeem myself from the shame. One fateful night a while ago I asked for a rematch. On a bridge over a busy city street the battle ensued. And I held my own for a good 60 seconds or so. But then, with a surprise maneuver my thumb was rendered temporarily immobile, and the ten count began. In a moment of panic I lost control, like a child being tickled to the brink of temporary insanity. Before I knew what had happened, I had elbowed my opponent in the face. The shock loosened her vice-like grip on my thumb, and, miraculously, at that very moment I was able to seize the opportunity my spasm had afforded me and get the coveted pin. Though the path was not entirely nobly trodden, there were no intentional fouls committed and thus my conscience is clear. When I told a friend of my somewhat tainted victory, he replied coldly, "The end justifies the means." As it happens, he too had suffered defeat too many times to count. I think he found some vicarious satisfaction in my triumph. Perhaps all the more so because it was dirty.

Location Location Location

Location Location Location, originally uploaded by Hack Rambler.

Apparently this is the place to go, judging strictly by the sign. Now I have joined the elite few who can say they've been there. And I wasn't even looking for it!

THIRTY

THIRTY, originally uploaded by Hack Rambler.

Now accepting congratulations and condolences. Thanks to all who have sent emails or posted comments to wish me a happy birthday. If you want photos, you should go to www.mindyourmillers.blogspot.com, August 18th post. I am pretty sure Mr. Miller has more pictures of me than I do. I feel loved. Thanks again, sir.

Fire in the Sky

Fire in the Sky, originally uploaded by Hack Rambler.

Besides the beach, I have also gone to see fireworks twice in the last two weeks. Both involved herds of people and hoards of alcohol. And burning. The fireworks themselves didn't impress me much, but the friendly festival atmosphere makes it worthwhile. Not many better chances to talk to lots and lots of random people. Good times.

"Boxers on the Beach" OR "Generation Gap" OR "Bait With No Fishing"

Boxers on the Beach, originally uploaded by Hack Rambler.

I have been to the beach two weekends in a row. It takes less than half an hour from my house. Three years of living in the same place, and I never went to the beach. You might say I am a slow learner. No, I am not trying to make up for lost time... I don't think. Anyway....

A lot of the Hack that you see in this photo has died. Literally. I am molting. Never believe a sunscreen that says it is waterproof.

I find it somewhat ironic that while some of these girls are wearing bikinis that look just like underwear, I actually am wearing only my underwear.Due to unforeseen circumstances, I found myself beachbound with no swim gear, save boxers from the Gap. Complete with a rather inconveniently located gap. Well, usually it is convenient but not on this particular day. I wore the floatie donut to help me be more discreet.

Speaking of discretion, I discovered, via my ever-improving Japanese interrogation techniques, that all the girls except the white chick are in high school. Ergo my first ever triple-titled post. Which do you prefer? (Which title, that is.) Cast your vote now!

A Kiss to Build a Post On

A Kiss to Build a Post On, originally uploaded by Hack Rambler.

Ok, here's your post. That's about a thousand words, right? I hope so, because my muse is on vacation.

I Saw the Sign

I Saw the Sign, originally uploaded by Hack Rambler.

Only water? Yeah, right. I will write more when I can use my fingers too, and not just my thumbs.

Oh my head!

Oh my head!, originally uploaded by Hack Rambler.

Too much Mountain Dew made me forget my blog. At least that is the working theory at the moment. I am planning to drink only water for an entire month, starting July 2nd. I will eat normally but no juice, no coffee and no Mountain Dew! I am just curious what will happen. I should lose some weight since I drink gallons of fluids every day.

Plenty of drama in my life at the moment, but not much that is bloggable. Right now it is so hot outside that I am just sitting at home with two air conditioners running and playing video games. I realize that is not the most productive thing I could be doing, but I have been in the mood lately. Killed a lot of people playing Bond today. No, I wasn't imagining they were real people. I am practicing the art of choosing to be happy even though there are plenty of reasons to be pissed off. It is working pretty well so far. That combined with feeling sorry for the haters rather than hating them.

I am pretty sure that is the first time I have ever used the word 'hater'. Possibly this was the last.

I haven't thought much about what I could post, because I literally forgot about my blog for a while. Too much else going on, I suppose. But I shall attempt to get back on track and refocus my efforts. Actually I took a great picture but my phone won't send it because it takes too much memory or something. Anti-that.

As for the picture above, I am actually DRINKING from the glass. It is larger than my head, which itself is larger than average. Water, my trademark drink for the next month.... After the month is over, perhaps I will celebrate by ordering the $50 beer that comes in this glass!

At the risk of seeming a bit obsessed....

At the risk of seeming a bit obsessed...., originally uploaded by Hack Rambler.

I paid more than 3000 yen for this, without hesitation. And I would do it again. It may be necessary, too, as the supply is dwindling fast.

Out of Sync

Out of Sync, originally uploaded by Hack Rambler.

What can one say to this?

Woo hoo!

Woo hoo!, originally uploaded by Hack Rambler.

I finally found it!

Welcome to the Jungle

From my town's monthly English newsletter:

Be Cautious of Behavior of Crows in Their Breeding Season!
During the period of March-May for their breeding season, crows make their nests gathering withered twigs and piling them up on the tall trees in the parks, or trees lining a street and also on the telegraph poles. Their fierce caws like "Quwak Quwak" in this period are acts of threatening because they are brooding or raising baby birds. You had better part from them instantly, for they may assault you on the head in some occasions. When you are forced to pass near by, wearing a hat or using an umbrella will be helpful in lessening the damage.

Food for doves causes increase of crow individuals, so please do not leave the dove food, nor feed the crows.

Never Feed Wild Boars or Doves!
Wild boars make frequent appearances in populated areas during the night or early morning looking for garbage left for collection or food given to the homeless cats. They often run after people, dig the garden or flower beds over, and even break gates or fences, in serious cases. To prevent them from damaging, please put the garbage in the appointed collection station at the appointed time, and do not feed wild animals and birds like boars or doves.


Just finished reading: "Kafka on the Shore," by Haruki Murakami
Now playing: Frank Sinatra: The Complete Collection, 1943-1952

Feel Wood.

Feel Wood., originally uploaded by Hack Rambler.

On a lighter note....

Cacophonous Bleating: Hack on Hack

Warning: Overly self-analytical psycho-babble may be contained in the following post.

Last week I had a day, actually just an evening, where it was nearly impossible to look at things positively. For a number of hours, no matter what happened, some dark childish monster inside me was spinning negativity into all my thoughts. Ok, that might be a bit passive, like I don't claim responsibility for it myself. But I let the monster out. "I" being, I suppose, the rational being, allowing emotions to have a joyride and ignore all the traffic signals. I have the driver's license, but at some point I let the DCM take the wheel. I just kind of watched.

I never talk on the phone. Well, rarely. But for some reason that night I talked to four different people on the phone. Gradually that helped me get back in the driver's seat. That, a stupid but humorous movie (the first 30 minutes of it, anyway), and a good book. By the time I went to bed I was feeling much better, but not before having a few collisions.

I am relatively certain that I am relatively normal. But I am open to debate. Does anyone else feel like there is a veritable herd of 'animals' inside, various manifestations of emotional energy, all in need of constant management in order to maintain at least a semblance of harmony, of synthesis? And that to keep them all in check perfectly is next to impossible, but at the same time that which you inherently know you should strive for? Is this the meaning of integrity? When the herd is living together in peace, I am my best self. But usually there are at least a few strays, and if I let them wander too long it throws off the balance and the whole group gets restless. Like a shepherd managing the flock that constitutes his very being. "Just being" is not always such an easy proposition.

In any case I am thankful for friends that call me back to myself, though usually unwittingly, and for the small things in life that remind me of the joy of living. This week I have been rediscovering some of these: literature, music, and even tackling a sudoku puzzle now and then have perhaps stimulated parts of my mind that were craving attention. Not that I hadn't been reading, or listening to music or using my mind. Just that I needed to do those things with a different perspective, one of feeding myself with what I need rather than eating whatever I happened to come across in my daily routine. A more intentional approach has reawakened my appetite for life, at least in a sense. I think maybe the isolation I sometimes feel being in Japan with few very good friends nearby has taken a toll on me, dulling my experience of life. It's as if in order to deal with the loneliness I have become comfortably numb. Yes I realize that is a Pink Floyd song and to be honest I have never thought much about it. But I am going to listen to it right now as I walk to the dentist. Sorry for imposing my marching band of introspection on your unprepared ears. Especially since we are still early in rehearsals.

BGM: Radiohead: Kid A

Desperate Housewives?

Desperate Housewives?, originally uploaded by Hack Rambler.

My occasional lunch companions. Today I had curry rice with gum syrup.

Osaka at 5 a.m.

DCF_0002.jpg, originally uploaded by Hack Rambler.

DCF_0006.jpg, originally uploaded by Hack Rambler.

Sometimes I need to get out and go for a walk, alone, to clear my head. Last Saturday morning was one of those times. Unusual for me to be out and about at such an hour, so I took the opportunity to take some photos with my mobile phone camera. Somehow the blurriness seems appropriate.

I felt blurry and so did Osaka. I went to a dance club because a friend invited me. The truth is, I don't actually like dance clubs. At all. And I don't dance much, either. If at all. But I like staying up late and meeting interesting people. Not that many options. I enjoyed socializing and the music was good, so I am glad I went. But after 6 hours or so of it, I had had all I could take of crowded venues full of strangers who all seemed to know each other, so I took a morning stroll to the train station. Of course I got a little lost. But I eventually made it home. The older I get, the more I realize that there is a lot that I just don't get about people, including myself. But that, I suppose, makes things more interesting. Right?

Quote of the Week

From a student in one of the classes mentioned in the previous black-dot infected post:

"I used to have a pet turtle, but it ran away."

The Frankenstein Game

The Frankenstein Game, originally uploaded by Hack Rambler.

The Frankenstein Game, originally uploaded by Hack Rambler.

The Frankenstein Game, originally uploaded by Hack Rambler.

The Frankenstein Game, originally uploaded by Hack Rambler.

I am teaching four different college classes at the moment, at two different schools. Most of the students speak very little English and were pretty nervous on the first day. So I used this activity to see how bad their English really was and also to help them to relax and have a little fun. Each of the 40 or so students had to take a turn drawing a single body part. As you can see, none of them are art majors. It is a bit frightening, though, that about half of them are hoping to become physical therapists....

Taiwan Rodeo Training

Taiwan Rodeo Training, originally uploaded by Hack Rambler.

Well, everyone's gotta start somewhere....

Survivor

Survivor, originally uploaded by Hack Rambler.

This puppy was rescued from the clutches of death after being thrown into a river with the rest of the unwanted litter. His siblings all perished, but he is healthy and looking for a home. In Taiwan.

Taiwanese Roadside Goat

This guy was lounging on the street next to the stir fry vendor at around midnight. There are lots of random dogs in Taiwan, but I don't see many random goats. I am hoping he is somebody's pet and not a menu item. I am also hoping the flat, chewy substance I so thoroughly enjoyed was not any kin of his.
Taiwanese Roadside Goat, originally uploaded by Hack Rambler.

Taiwanese Roadside Dining

I passed, as usual, on the chicken blood rice, but most of the other stuff got thrown into the mix and deep-fried. My favorite is a flat, chewy substance. There are two varieties. I have no idea what it is. But I like it. We all ate the "stir fry" while playing Texas Hold 'Em. I lost $500 that night. Fortunately the New Taiwan Dollar is only worth about 3 or 4 cents, so it was not exactly tragic. I still can't get over how much warmer it was in Taiwan than Japan. Wild, wacky stuff.
Taiwanese Roadside Dining, originally uploaded by Hack Rambler.

Thank you Easter Bunny!

Thank you Easter Bunny!, originally uploaded by Hack Rambler.

Even with a bun freshly out of the oven, Bryce the Bunny Baker still made time to put these in the international mail. Can't remember the last time I partook. Thank you, sir!

My Little Secret

Fat Tony People Iced: Twenty Car Bombs Planted: Two Favorite Weapon Rusty Chain Arms Broken: Six Eyes Gouged: One Tongues Cut Off: Fourteen Biggest Enemy: Disgruntled Donny Get Your HITMAN Name

My Backyard

My Backyard, originally uploaded by Hack Rambler.

Well, not quite. But close enough that I am a little embarrassed that I haven't seen it until today. That is a little waterfall in the background. They tell me wild boars abound here, but I have never come across any. Perhaps one of these days my chance will come. At least today I found out where I can eat them, whether I ever see any or not. Less than sure that I want to partake, but it's always good to know one's options....

Nagoya Dome

Nagoya Dome, originally uploaded by Hack Rambler.

The opening act is over and we are waiting for the Stones to come out and play. There is rap music in the meantime and the Japanese woman sitting next to me, probably 60 or so, is bobbing her head to the beat with gusto. Hmmm....

Japanese Roadside Dining

Japanese Roadside Dining, originally uploaded by Hack Rambler.

On our way to a Rolling Stones concert, we stopped here. Just a freeway refueling center. Japanese roadside dining never looked so good! This is a view of Japan's largest lake, Biwako, from the small city of Ootsu (pronounced 'OH-tsu'). I have only been back from Taiwan for two days and am already discovering new things in Japan. This pleases me. At some point I should probably catch up on sleep, though.

Vogue Random

The Crystal Ballroom?, originally uploaded by Hack Rambler.

I like to post pictures of me with girls once in a while in order to feed

the rumor mill and perhaps fool people into thinking that I might have a

love life. Actually I paid this girl to let me take her picture with me and

I don't even know her name. No, that is a blatant lie. Except that I told

you right after so that means it wasn't a lie but just a joke. Right? Except

that it wasn't funny. Hmm....

The Crystal Ballroom(?)

The Crystal Ballroom?, originally uploaded by Hack Rambler.

Me being the 'life of the party' last December. I looked into the

flesh-colored crystal ball and saw train rides and afternoon slumber in my

future. You can see a T-back in my past if you look closely.

Test Taking Strategies, Part 1

You Are a Margarita

You aren't just the life of the party, you are the party! You mix a good drink, bust out some great music, and know how to get down.

What Mixed Drink Are You?

Hmm... all well and good except that I can't remember the last time I drank myself. If I were Rum and Coke that would be a different story altogether. I blame my grandpa for giving me sips while we played poker when I was in elementary school. Or rather I should thank him, rest his soul. Anyway back to the cocktail in question. Maybe tonight I will give it a whirl. Margaritas in Taipei... yeah, I like the sound of that. Hopefully there will not be a repeat of a certain dance-floor clearing feat that was performed by a friend of mine last time I went out in Taipei. You know who you are. I dare you to claim it. PS Congratulations on impending fatherhood. You didn't waste any time, did you? ;)

Comfort Zone

Comfort Zone, originally uploaded by Hack Rambler.

More self-disclosure. Somebody stop me!

Little Spurt of Nationalistic Pride?

Japanese, I am not. But cheer heartily, I do. And did. I kept hoping my downstairs neighbors were watching the games too, so that my outbursts would be not only tolerated but perhaps even enjoyed.

The first ever World Baseball Classic is over, and somehow Japan emerged on top. Thanks to J.K. I knew when the games were and on what channels. And thanks to a perfectly timed national holiday I was able to stay home and watch the final. It was awesome.

Between the Torino Olympics and now the WBC, I have discovered something about myself. I have some deep emotions about Japan. I love my own country, but I cheered for Japan with more fervor. A lot more. I suppose the underdog mentality has something to do with it as well. I had a similar epiphany when I went to Rome for ten days last year. Two of my happiest moments were when I saw a Japanese tour group and when I practiced speaking a little putonghua with the staff of a Chinese restaurant.

I miss my friends and family, and the ease with which everything can be done, the variety, the convenience, the bigness. But I still have no plans of leaving Asia. Then again I have no plans of staying, either. I have no plan at all. Nothing concrete anyway. I'll be sure to let you know when clarity comes. Until such time, I am happy to say that even in my most ambiguous wandering, life continues to be interesting. One thing I like about being here is that I am getting an education almost without trying. I used to bring home report cards with straight A's with a note at the bottom, "Hack does not apply himself." My thinking went that if I got an A, why should I expend energy beyond that? There were other things to do, after all.... I don't know that that was the right attitude, but it seems to have found a foothold in my personality, which is sometimes not such a good thing. But being aware of it, I have tried to put myself in situations where I either have no choice but to apply myself, or where there is so much mental sunlight and water that I grow regardless of my own laziness. Any effort on my part only provides fertilizer.

Speaking of fertilizer, a surprisingly high percentage of Japanese homes still lack flushing toilets. Until not long ago, many families had buckets designated for that purpose, which were put outside in the evening and collected for use as fertilizer. "Night Soil" it was called.

I will not attempt to analogize further on that point. Not now that all my efforts have turned to sh*t. I will say however that I have been feeling personally convicted that I should do more and try harder, in general. Of course that will be easier to do when it isn't so frickin' cold.

Excuses, excuses. Actually I am reading a book (well, I started reading it anyway) to help me with personal motivation and performance. I had this conversation with a friend a week or so ago, and now I ask you: Why is it that I feel slightly embarrassed to tell anyone that? Is this just my own personal insecurity, or do other people feel that way, too? Like you don't want to put any of your "self-help" books on the shelf where any guest might see and discover you are in fact not yet a perfect human being. Actually I am comfortable with vagueness. I just don't want to mention titles, authors, or specific subjects. That is, I don't mind saying I have problems, but I don't want to tell anyone what they are. After all, I wouldn't want anyone to know too much about me.... huh? Maybe I do, but maybe I am afraid of the vulnerability that would come with it. Yeah I guess that must be it. We don't want to let people see us too clearly until we feel assured that they won't be frightened or disgusted or disappointed. So we wear masks. No? I know I am not suggesting anything even slightly original. I am just thinking out loud in my pajamas. Sorry if I got a little pop-psycho on your hiney.

If I were a car, I would probably be an early 1990s Chevy pickup. Durable and able to carry a lot, but takes a lot of fuel. Not so easy to handle, has some dings and is not as efficient as it could be. But I want to be a 2006 Audi all-wheel drive convertible. Sleek and stylish and efficient. Can go almost anywhere. Practical enough but ready to put the top down whenever the situation calls for it, and plenty of room for others to get inside where it's warm.

Wow, that is more self-disclosure than I usually aim for in this particular medium. Oh well.

BGM: The Postal Service, "Give Up"

KENNEL FOR MEN

KENNEL FOR MEN, originally uploaded by Hack Rambler.

Unfortunately it was closed when I discovered it....

Ineffable

Ineffable, originally uploaded by Hack Rambler.

Refer to the title of this post for an explanation of my recent prolonged absence from blogdom.

Or just imagine the contents of three rooms moved suddenly into one room. Imagine access to the computer in that room as more trouble than it is worth. Imagine you are floating on a wave on the ocean, surrounded by starfish and sea horses. What's up with sea horses, anyway?

Over the past two weeks I am sure interesting things happened. I know at least one person said something either hilarious or exceptionally crass--probably both-- that I actually asked permission to write here. Permission granted; words lost. I had at least one dream that was intriguing enough (in my estimation, at least) and sufficiently coherent to recount. Yeah, forgot that, too. Like sands through the hourglass, so are the wasted opportunities that accumulate on my mountain of irresponsibility. Blogging failures are but a mere microcosm.

But then it's ok if you talk about it, right? That's like the first step I heard....

Ok, so before my already senile mind--ooh wait. That is bad Neuro-Linguistic Programming form. Uh, let me start over.

Ahem. (Don't read that carelessly or you might think I typed "Amen". I didn't.)

On second thought, skip the intro. Or segue. Or transition. Here's a story:

Tonight I was at the 99 yen shop. I often go there. 99 yen is a little less than a US dollar at the moment. Most of the time, in fact. I decided to stop there because I didn't want to wait 20 seconds for the train to go by. It was in my way. I was listening to loud music on my big camouflage headphones and riding my bicycle too fast in the dark with no helmet and no lights and no rear reflector, like the irresponsible (there's that word again) teenager I sometimes wish I were and occasionally reckon I forgot to be. This, coupled with the fact that I was hungry, fostered a higher than usual level of impatience on my part. La la la anyway I went to the cheap store to get some cheap and unhealthy dinner and some bread and eggs and milk. And avocados.

Not necessarily in that order. Closer to the reverse. Anyway....

Music still loud, groping avocadoes--you want 'em not too firm, not too soft--when I sense someone looking at me. I turn to see a man, slightly eccentric in appearance but nothing too out of the ordinary, about 55, and he laughs and shakes his head as if to say, "Never mind."

"I wonder if he said something and I didn't hear him because of my earmuffs that also happen to be helping me lose my hearing both at this moment and probably permanently to some degree as well?" I think to myself. "Cool." I resume groping.

"Blah blah blah blah! Ha ha ha ha ha! Blah blah."

I turn again and this time it is clear that the man is talking to, or at, me. So I smile and remove the speakers from my head.

"Abokado!! He he he. Beri chipu! He he he. 100 yen! He he."

Then I said, in Japanese, "Uh, yeah. Heh." He seemed satisfied and went merrily walking along the aisle, recounting the exciting experience to some twenty-somethings looking at spaghetti sauce. "I said 'Avocado' to that foreigner! He he." I can only assume he had just left the karaoke bar upstairs and the whiskey was helping him find amusement in the most mundane and inane. Or maybe he was insane. In any case I found my avocadoes and other items and made a fast escape.

That type of thing doesn't happen often, but when it does it reminds me that I am even weirder here than I was where I came from. Weirdness begets weirdness it seems. Those better be good avocadoes.

Last night I ordered takoyaki (octopus fried bread balls) from an outdoor stand and specifically asked the man with the pan not to sprinkle seaweed flakes on top. He did. I told him that's ok I can still eat it, no problem. He apologized and gave me two oranges for my trouble. It was nice of him. They were expensive oranges. (It was an octopus ball and orange stand. Wicked combination.) They looked delicious. They weren't. Very dry. Did he know that when he gave them to me? I think not, but... fruits with peels... very tricky. You never know what you're gonna get. The octopus balls were good, though. Except for the seaweed, of course.

My knee really hurts and I don't know why. How irritating. It is like it is bruised but as far as I know I never did anything to bruise it. Maybe I had another kung-fu dream and just don't remember.

On Sunday I met with a friend and we were walking around Kobe looking for a used bookstore. I had a map but it wasn't great. WIth some effort, and help from strangers, we finally managed to find it. It took us about an hour.

The store was closed.

But that is not the punchline. The punchline is that when I again referred to the book with the map that I had with me all along and had looked at numerous times, I found written very clearly, "Closed on weekends."

Another example of absentmindedness affording adventure. And annoyance.

"Hack Rambler you are rambling! More frequency, less verbosity!" I (don't) hear an inaudible voice saying to me....

Oh yeah and if you made it this far that is a picture of me at a Buddhist temple wearing a Buddhist priest's robes and holding his prayer beads. They are carvings of human skulls.

Washing Woes

Washing Woes, originally uploaded by Hack Rambler.

I changed from powder detergent to the less economical liquid variety today. I've had enough of soap particles stuck to my shirts. But now I have a new problem: all my clothes smell like candy.

Congratulations!

Congratulations!, originally uploaded by Hack Rambler.

Itsu made mo o shiawase ni!

Little Mr. Poopy

Little Mr. Poopy, originally uploaded by Hack Rambler.

That's a rough translation of what is written on this Valentine's chocolate I was given yesterday. Bon appetit!

BGM: The Breeders: Last Splash

The Cheese Stands Alone

I made chimichangas the other night. They were yummy. But somehow one shred of renegade cheese, which I meant to melt and devour, managed to escape. I found it on the steps outside my apartment. How did it get there? It is not beyond explanation but it is certainly weird.

Haven't posted for ages. So busy. Last night I accidentally fell asleep on my very uncomfortable sofa while trying to reply to emails. I woke up at 3 a.m. but didn't have the energy or will power to drag myself to bed. Woke up again at about 6 and managed the feat, telling myself if I hurried I could still have 3 hours of sleep in comfort.

I have rediscovered coffee. And I made my best pot ever on the same day I made chimichangas.

Sometimes people give me beer. I don't know why, exactly. Maybe they think I drink a lot of beer. Maybe they are right. But not home alone. Not usually, anyway. So the cans accumulate until I feel somehow inspired to open one. The other night the muses of brew paid a visit and I decided to take advantage of the fact that it is perfectly legal in Japan to walk down the street drinking a beer.

As it turns out, unlike many food/drink items, the expiration date on beer cans actually means something. Yuck. What a waste.

I bought a new watch. It is a Citizen. Looks sharp. Cost about $120. It is already screwed up. I am not pleased.

But I broke my G-Shock fighting with the cops so I needed a replacement. Haha just kidding.

My G-shock still works. I just can't wear it.

The Seahawks are in the Super Bowl. I will watch it alone at 8 in the morning. Happily I have that particular Monday off. Why does everyone think the Steelers will win? Punks.

One of my students who is studying to become a physical therapist proudly wore a T-shirt the other day that read: "Different Strokes for Different Forks". An accident looking for a purpose.

I cleaned the filter in my air conditioner for the first time in the over 2 years I have lived in this apartment. Oh what a difference it made. People should clean their air conditioner filters more often, that's what I say.

I was in a bar a couple weeks ago and an acquaintance of a friend to whom I had just been introduced introduced me to an acquaintance of hers, a young woman from somewhere in Africa. I was nice but not exceptionally so, but she somehow became interested in me, saying that she could tell I was a "real man". I tried to convince her otherwise, as I know it is not true, but she wouldn't have it. I had already thoughtlessly surrendered my phone number before she got going and the onslaught began. I dare not repeat some of the things she said here. It was pretty surreal, let's just say. Direct. At one point she attempted physical reinforcement of her words of animal desire, but I denied her, saying "not on the first date", laughing and trying to change the subject. She had written my number on the palm of her hand, so I thought it might fade and that would be the end of it. But then she, too, realized this and nonchalantly pulled her shirt down and wrote it on her bra. Still, perhaps the washing machine would render the digits illegible and thus undialable, I thought. My nubian counterpart, however, while insisting that she would in fact call very soon, dashed my hopes of detergent deletion when she told me, and subsequently demonstrated, that she had already committed my number to memory. So all I could do was say, "Until then." I smiled (and probably unwittingly bowed) and walked away, saying my friends were waiting. As far as I know, she hasn't called yet. Maybe she found someone who impressed her as being even more of a man than I. Couldn't be that difficult. But I can't help but wonder if my number is still written on her bra....

Friends Making Friends. Literally.

Friends Making Friends. Literally., originally uploaded by Hack Rambler.

A true boy band.

The Claw is My Master

The Claw is My Master, originally uploaded by Hack Rambler.

This morning I got up at 4:30 so that I could go to a memorial service to remember the victims of the great earthquake that struck 11 years ago. I went because I was asked to sing a song. It was a Buddhist service, and it closed with me singing "Amazing Grace". That was their choice, not mine. Go figure.

Happy Birthday Two Yous

Guess how old these two girls just became? Hint: They are not breaking any laws in this picture (which was taken in a bar). They actually came along to see the monkeys and the waterfall, too, though there was no age requirement for that. Anyway, thanks to these girls, I no longer think I have a babyface. Happy birthdays!

Toy of the Week

Toy of the Week, originally uploaded by Hack Rambler.

This is a great toy because people like Jhoda say it sounds "gay" and then end up gaily bopping, pulling, twisting, flicking and spinning themselves.

Home Sweet Home

Last night I got back to my own bed in Japan, after two weeks of travelling. I took Sominex on the plane and for the first time I can remember I had a good flight and actually slept. No jet lag. It is a beautiful thing. Today I had planned to do a lot of cleaning, but alas my neck is painfully opposed to that idea. If it is from sleeping on the plane, it is a price I am willing to pay. Anyway, today's news: I found 10,000 yen in the pocket of some jeans I haven't worn for months. That's about $91 U.S. Travelling ended up costing a bit more than I expected, so it is a well-timed discovery. Also today my Australian friend Mark leaves Japan. I don't have a lot of foreign friends, or friends who can speak English. And the ones I do have keep leaving.... Oh well. Comes with the territory I reckon. Happy travels, mate, and good luck with your software.

As for pictures, well, I do hope to post some, but as it turns out I hardly took any in the U.S. I took a few in Hiroshima, though....

Who thinks it is immature for a 29-year-old to like video games?

More later....