The Man in the Box

No, this is not a post about my apartment, though that too would be fitting, given the title. This is a post about a little Japanese TV I happened to see at nearly 2 a.m. tonight.


Picture this:

Two men. One cardboard box. One roll of tape. One timer.

Rock, Paper, Scissors.

Loser gets in box. Winner gets on top. Tape goes on box. Timer is started. Box tips to and fro, eventually toppling over. But time keeps ticking and Box Man cannot free himself. Tape Man finally removes some of the tape, then walks away laughing hysterically. Well over one minute has passed. Box which had been shaking violently is now barely moving. Tape Man stops laughing long enough to realize that perhaps Box Man cannot breathe. Panics. Moves to remove the remaining tape. Suddenly the box explodes open and Box Man emerges, disheveled and breathless. "I couldn't get any air! [gasp gasp] I thought I was going to die in there!" Tape Man remembers timer, dives to the ground to grab it as quickly as possible, and stops it. But then doesn't bother to read the time.

Crowd applauds with uproarious laughter.

Both men look at a large countdown timer visible on the stage and realize that they have only 7 minutes until the next commercial break. All is forgotten. Onto next bit.

What can we all learn from this? That it is worthwhile to practice Rock, Paper, Scissors, for one thing. It may very well pay off someday. Then again, some of us on the mere basis of size alone would never qualify to become Box Men. But better safe than sorry....

Food Poisoning & Unfortunate

Here is the Google Translator rendering of my last post, title included (I will be doing this more often since I am now maintaining an entirely Japanese page as well. Enjoy!):


The yesterday kind [otsusan] friend you ate out. Him going to Viking which is chosen, you ate of course all the way. As for MENU: Plate noodles, the China frying, the curry rice, sirloin stake, gratin. As for dessert cake and ice-cream. You drank also the fruit juice. Entirely so-so tasty kana - with. Then it struck and went to the [tsu] releasing. It was golf team member in high school student age. That time the [me] [tsu] [chi] [ya] of the grandfather and the coach old golf club you use. So how hole in one it was possible! It was not believed! And 15 years later… first sphere it is enormous straightly, it flew! You were surprised! Obtaining -? 'It can go and it is?' being said, the just a little self-confidence increasing seed. But, after that at all it was useless. However advice of the friend you heard already, after all like this the sport which is said is not agreeable with my character, what it becomes moldy and tries the [yo] [u] the place being many. So the friend encouraging directly, just a little, tries probably to persevere it is. When the [a] [a] [a], it stopped more quickly, it was good! Even after that full swinging the club of the friend,… you break and the [chi] [ya] [tsu] are! While the friend laughing, 'it was good, it was good!'With you say. 'With something?'With hearing, 'you throw away it is and the empty. It is good, at all to an air!' So such it is simple to say. It was shy! However the friend it was good being kind so, don't you think?. Returning at around 11 o'clock in the afternoon, it became feeling bad. It lifted to the thing rest room which you ate. As for the mouth it is not the entrance and the [tsu] [chi] [ya] [tsu] it is in the [te] exit. Today in the house it smelled directly. At last now just a little it became better. The [wa] which temporarily does not go to that Viking. It does not go to either the striking [tsu] releasing -. The [wa] which this time is possible to be the boring. Even there something the kana which can be broken? You understood. The ball of the friend you do not borrow!

食中毒 ＆ 気の毒

昨日優しいオッサン友達と外食しました。彼選んだバイキングに行って、もちろんいっぱい食べた。MENUは：皿うどん、唐揚げ、カレーライス、サーロインステーキ、グラタン。デザートはケーキとアイスクリーム。フルーツジュースも飲みました。全部まあまあ美味しかったかなーと。

それから打ちっ放しへ行った。高校生時代にゴルフチームメンバだった。その時お爺さんとコーチのめっちゃ古いゴルフクラブ使ってた。でもなんとホールインワン出来た！信じられなかった！

そして１５年後・・・

一球目まっすぐに凄い飛んだ！びっくりした！えー？『いけるやんか』と言われてちょっと自信増えたね。

しかし、その後は全然だめだった。友達のアドバイスもう聞いたけどやっぱりこう言うスポーツは私の性格と合わない、なんかびみょうな所が多くて。でも友達はずっと励ましてもちょっと頑張ろうと思うた。あぁあ、もっと早くやめたら良かった！だってその後友達のクラブをフルスイングして・・・壊しちゃった！

友達笑いながら『よかった、よかった！』と言ってた。『何で？』と聞いて、『捨てるもんやから。いいよ，全然気にしないで！』

でもそんな言うのは簡単。恥ずかしかった！友達そんなに優しくて良かったけどね。

午後１１時頃に帰って、気分悪くなってきた。食べた物トイレにあげた。口は入り口ではなくて出口になっちゃった。今日ずっと家の中におった。やっと今ちょっとましになった。

とりあえずあのバイキングに行かないわ。打ちっ放しにも行かないな〜。今度ボーリングでいいわ。あそこでも何か壊せるかな？分かった。友達のボール借りません！

My Neighborhood

This picture was taken from the train station nearest my apartment. Not a bad place to live. Too quiet, though! And it would be nice if the river actually had water in it, but I guess I can't have everything. The ocean is just a few minutes' walk away, so I can manage.

Geek Week

I am turning into an internet geek. But probably just for a little while. In the last few days I have created myspace and ringo accounts, and joined a Japanese online community, where I post just like I do here but not in English. Good way to study the language and culture, I thought. And I was correct. But now things have gotten really out of hand. I actually took the time to write a review of a product on Yahoo! I bought a new digital camera at Costco the other day and I have been very happy with it. I don't know what possessed me to go to the trouble, but I did. You can see it, I think, if you click on the title of this post. This nerdiness can't last, so if any of you are concerned about me, don't be. It is a welcome distraction from other mental meanderings that are less edifying.

Use and Abuse

BEFORE:



AFTER:



Went to Costco the other day, again, even though I didn't intend to buy anything. My friends are just using me for my membership. Oh well, it gave me something to do. Of course I ended up spending about $100, though nearly half of that was to renew my membership. So I can keep getting used. Anyway, while I was waiting for the user of the day to apply for a credit card, I encountered Tai-chan, one of my students, and his cousin Yuna. His mom came later to rescue them, but I gave her the camera instead. I was looking through my pictures and I noticed that there are a lot where I am attacking children. Hmm... all I can say in my defense is: THEY STARTED IT!!

Where's the Beaver?

Sadly, he was unaccounted for. Las Vegas took priority, apparently. But we salute him, nonetheless.

This picture is from my alma mater's recent homecoming football game. It was also our 5-year reunion. Miraculously, our team emerged victorious, and for a few moments, a lot of people who don't care at all about the success of the football team found themselves cheering ecstatically. I was among them, and I make no apologies. And my pants and shirt are ruined thanks to Crazy Carl the Cokehead. That was a non-sequitir. Don't try to make a connection. There isn't one. Next time I am stateside I want Crazy Carl the Cokehead to take me shopping. And he will not be allowed to drink while driving the cart.

Alive and Clicking

I have so much to say that I will say nothing. Well, almost nothing. This photo is from the homestead in eastern Oregon. Visited there last month, though as usual I didn't have nearly enough time. This picture is a lot like how I have been feeling lately, which is also one of my reasons for such a prolonged absence from merry adventuring. These days I am an angry, lonely man, and my countenance is a stop sign to those who might approach me, while my gut is filled with rocks. No not kidney stones, but little balls of rage that threaten to produce ulcers and rob me of precious sleep. But I am getting better, I think. I have to go have dinner with someone I don't even like now so that I can get my DVDs back. After I get home, maybe I will write something happy. Perhaps, just as influenza led to the creation of this blog, extreme irritation will foster more nifty results. We can only wait and hope! By the way, the technical term for this apparatus, which forms the corner of a barbed-wire fence line (and I will leave it to the reader to continue the analogy--or not... I am feeling rather prickly), is "rock dummy". How very fitting. Grrr. Be nice to me or I might write a post that I will later have to erase in regret. Don't tempt the fury.