If you don't have anything nice to say....

Today various parts of my town seem to smell like cat food. And I don't know why.

I have all but discharged my White Day giving responsibilities. I had a nice chat with one of the girls working in the candy section at the supermarket today. I told her that I had wanted to make cookies or something to give away but didn't feel like it today, and probably wouldn't tomorrow either. So after taking far too long I settled on my decision and made my purchase. She was very helpful. Then, as I was leaving, she said she would be waiting for me to bring her some homemade cookies. She may be waiting a while.

At my weekly Japanese lesson I learned some interesting new things. The first is the following phrase: お口汚しですけど....(Okuchi yogoshi desu kedo....) which is an expression of extreme modesty sometimes used when presenting someone with a gift of food or drink. It means, literally, "Although this will make your mouth dirty...." Isn't that great? I found it especially fun to say when giving a bag of candy to one of my student's mothers at her place of work. Why? She is a dental assistant, and the dentist is her husband. How fitting.

Two other terms I learned that are of cultural interest came up as my sensei and I were discussing how Japanese men, when asked, will generally say their wives are "nothing special," or worse, while American husbands are almost expected to brag about their wives (whether they be boastworthy or not). If an American said, "My wife is not very good looking, and she can't cook very well, but I have gotten used to her," for instance, that could well be grounds for divorce. The Japanese man is trying to be modest, and to speak highly of his wife would be to lift himself up as well. The American man is trying to honor his wife by speaking well of her, and this kind of praise is not only acceptable but encouraged. Similar motivations leading to very different results. While arrogance is unwelcome in both cultures, pride in one's family is an exception in the U.S. Consider the popularity of the "My Kid is an Honor Student" bumper stickers.

In contrast, we come now to the two terms I mentioned before, which are used by a man when introducing his wife and son for the first time: 愚妻 (gusai) for wife,　愚息 (gusoku) for son. The second character in each word means simply 'wife' or 'son' respectively. But the first character, which both words share, makes the word　愚か (oroka), which is defined: "foolish; silly; stupid; dull-witted; idiotic."

"Nice to meet you. This is my foolish and stupid wife, and I'd also like you to meet my dull-witted, idiotic son."

This way of humbling oneself to the point of insulting one's own family is really a matter of course, and the people exchanging greetings don't analyze everything they are saying the way I am trying to do now. In most cases, I am pretty sure, the husband doesn't really think his wife and son are dolts. Of course there are surely exceptions. It is interesting, also, to note that there is apparently no such term or custom with regard to daughters--which means women are only called stupid in this way if they get married. No wonder the population is shrinking!