One of these things is not like the other

So I went to Hanzhou, China back in late November of 2004. The experience was heightened by the fact that I went with a Japanese tour group. So for four days I was trying to remember my Chinese while at the same time using my Japanese. I even did a wee bit of interpreting. Emphasis on wee. It is not common for a foreigner to join a Japanese tour group, as everything is done in Japanese, and the schedule for the tour is very structured. Everything was planned. Not only that, but the theme of this tour was the historical relationship between Chinese and Japanese Buddhism. I went because it was free. I was the mascot. No, actually I just knew the right people and took an opportunity when it came. It was fun seeing the expressions on people's faces when I showed up at each new location on our agenda, as they tried to decide what language they should use to attempt communication. Good times.

On the second to last day, the day I didn't have my camera, we went for a long walk around a big, beautiful lake. Maybe someday I will tell you what it is called. It is one of the main domestic tourist attractions in China. Also about 20 Chinese college students who were studying Japanese joined us. I, being a member of the Japanese group, had to wear a really stupid orange baseball cap that was too small for my head. A beanie with a bill, really. The college kids wore white caps. Apparently it was important to be able to know on sight who was from where. Wouldn't want to mistake a Chinese person for a Japanese, or vice versa. I still haven't figured out why they insisted I wear one. Perhaps the hats were there to eliminate the question of what language to use....

Of course we couldn't begin our nature walk without proper East Asian style warm-up exercises. During these rather ridiculous looking drills, one angry Chinese onlooker was walking by and shouting in Chinese, "Go back to Japan! We don't want you here!" and some other choice words as well. Rather awkward, but he was outnumbered so he kept walking. Still a lot of cross-cultural wounds to be healed there.

During our walk it came to my attention that none of our Chinese host students had ever met an American before. I talked with about half of them during our extended stroll. Though tempted to fill their minds with fallacious ideas about American customs, I decided to behave myself instead. The little man (my conscience to the uninitiated) got his way once again. But to make up for it, I and one of the Japanese members of the group ducked out of the second half of the day and went shopping with a group of the college students and then to karaoke. Except that in China it is called KTV. I have been to a lot of karaoke places, and this was, by far, the most luxurious. Five TV screens, two interactive monitors, various types of seating, and everything sparkling clean and new. In fact, I wouldn't be surprised if Feng Shui had been applied to the design of this room. It was the living room of my dreams. So we sang, we drank, and we bid one another farewell. Meanwhile, all the other people hiked all afternoon, despite the fact that they had been walking for hours in the morning. Some of them were actually sleeping in the lobby of the hotel when we got back, they were so exhausted. Suckers!

Oh yeah and I saw lots of Buddhist temples and art, met priests of varying degrees of importance, took forbidden photographs which I later discovered were permitted after all, and ate like a king. And then there was the rather suspicious police escort that sped our bus full of Japanese tourists through red lights and traffic jams so we
could get to our calligraphy ceremony (which was held outdoors despite below zero temperatures and featured liquor floating down a half-frozen stream, and a Chinese photographer who seemed to think that the best angle for every shot could be acquired by placing his rear end centimeters from my face) on time. All of the Japanese on the bus were standing up to see, going crazy with a combination of fear, anticipation, and amazement that this was actually happening. I was actually asked to get out of the way and return to the back of the bus so that the people behind me could see. I was, at the time, crouching near the front of the bus talking with a friend because I
had been asked to go there--by a woman in her fifties who wanted to change her dress. Yeah, on the bus. Anybody who had happened to turn around at the right moment would have been in for a little surprise, but I don't think anyone did, though I was kind of hoping they would....