Nuts & Bolts

A sign in a train station. I never investigated further.

Drin-King

A bar in Osaka. No, I didn't go inside. Didn't feel I was qualified.

YouTube Video Recommendation #1

Since my new and improved blog now includes YouTube, I'll go ahead and provide some occasional ideas for what you might watch. Try typing "Japanese exercise video" into the search bar. Push play on the the first one and try to do the exercises while repeating, without laughing. Or just watch it.

It's Mii!

Just testing my mobile phone blogging set-up. And it appears to be operational. That means more fun for everyone. Oh, and for the uninitiated, a "Mii" is a character you design to represent yourself on the Nintendo Wii. Seems appropriate since I just added VIDEO GAMES to my blog! Enjoy! ;) (Btw, if you play the Mario game, the SHIFT button is what you use to kick the shell.)

वहत हप्पेनेद तो अक्तूबर?

Hmm. That title said "What happened to October?" before it was automatically transliterated, but I have to admit Hindi looks cooler so I think I will just leave it that way.

And the answer to the question is, uh, well, like this blog, under construction. In other words I don't know. But the good news is that I found some make up and it seems I am mostly finished applying it. To my blog I mean. It is supposed to be a metaphor. Work with me here, people.

Speaking of this blog, not only do I not know where my old template disappeared to, but I also have no idea where the majority of the music came from. But most of it's not bad, so I can live it for the time being. Weird.

So this is one of those times when there is so much I could say to make up for my extended silence that I will instead say nothing. Well, nothing further. Until I do say something, that is. Right. Leave a comment to let me know you haven't given up on me completely. Much obliged.

What happened here?

Apparently my blog is tired of being neglected. And it is fighting back by parading around without any make-up on. I don't know how this happened. Someday maybe I will do something about it. But that day is almost certainly not today.

The train ran over my shoe but thankfully my foot was elsewhere.

So I tried to write another post but it died because I killed it. So I will just say that I turned 31 years old on August 19th and to celebrate I bought myself an electric toothbrush.

Oh yeah I just remembered something I can talk about. The evening before my birthday I went to a friend's house to play poker. I am not very good at poker but I won the final hand, probably because I didn't completely understand the rules. Low stakes, but it was still nice. Then I went with some friends to catch the last train into Osaka for a night out. While we were waiting on the platform I accidentally kicked my sandal into the air and into the train track below. No time to retrieve sandal, so the night continued with me barefoot. When we arrived in Osaka, I was planning to remain unshod, but was strongly encouraged to get something on my feet. The problem is they generally don't sell shoes in Japan that are big enough. The biggest size is usually between 27.5 and 30 cm; I wear 32. But I agreed to try to find some cheap flip-flops/beach sandals. The biggest pair I found were still way too small, but I went with it. Good news, only about $3. Bad news, lavender. Why were the biggest ones they had THAT color? Oh well, just adds to the memory. I got many comments on my footwear for the remainder of the evening.

The next evening I went to the beach to say hi to some friends who had been there partying all day. As it grew dark, some of them thought it would be fun to go skinny dipping. I found this mildly amusing, as an observer rather than a participant, but sobriety in the midst of revelry can be a bit of a downer, especially on a birthday. So while I was happy to see my friends, and boy, did I see my friends, I was happy to get home to some peace and quiet after three days of people people people.

And now I have some lavender beach sandals that I will almost certainly never wear again. Anybody want 'em? ;)

There is no need to read this.

At some point in the near future I intend to post something. But not right now.

Choose my own adventure

Here's a shot a friend took from a night out to karaoke last month. We are in Japan, but on this night there was not a Japanese person in the room. So I invited the girls from the room next door to join us. And they did. I will probably never get to see the pictures THEY took, though. Aaah.

In this scene I am busy singing and therefore have delegated my drink-ordering responsibilities to the young lady on my left, who does not live here and speaks no Japanese.

Or perhaps we both just saw the camera and struck a pose. I actually don't remember.

Robby is waiting!

I noticed that I hadn't posted in about a week, so here's a little something to keep certain faithful supporters from getting restless. Perhaps it will even motivate one or two of them to come visit me in physical reality rather than just in cyberspace? I found a great place to stay, after all!

Cucumber Cola?

On my way home from work tonight I stopped by the 99 yen store. This is what I found. Has anyone else seen this? The initial taste is kind of cucumber-y, but then it just tastes like cola, pretty much. Seems pretty weird to me, but then so did "Clamato" juice when it was new. In fact it still seems weird. But it caught on, so I reckon just about anything is possible. I will be sure to let you know if I find Clam Cola.

Bottled Up

And they tried to tell me it couldn't be done....

Sticks and Stones

So I went to a nearby zoo the other day. It was like any other zoo.



Penguins are cute wherever you go.



If you watch certain primates long enough they will do things that might embarrass you. Well maybe not you, per se, but normal people.



Ostriches are weird and a little scary.



Llamas are, well, llamas.



And so on. But what made this trip special was not so much the zoo, or the animals in it, but an animal I encountered shortly after leaving the zoo. It was a parrot, on a perch outside a coffee shop, with no physical restraints to keep him from taking off.



I had tried to get similar birds in the zoo to say 'strawberry', like in the movie "Up In Smoke" with Cheech & Chong (I think), but to no avail. I decided to give it one more go, and wonder of wonders, the bird spoke! In Japanese. Here is what he said in reply to my 'strawberry. strawberry' proddings: 「ばかやろう！ばかやろう！」("Baka yarou! Baka yarou!") To the uninitiated that does not mean strawberry in Japanese. It means 'You're an idiot! You're an idiot!'

Wanna Rumble?

Image034.jpg
Originally uploaded by Hack Rambler

A few months ago I finally experienced a part of Japanese culture that I had been missing out on: SUMO. It was everything I hoped it would be and more. But I prefer to be a spectator when it comes to this particular sport.

Street Poetry

Image024.jpg
Originally uploaded by Hack Rambler

Here is a picture that I took weeks ago and have only now managed to put up. There may be many more to come. Or not. I don't want to make promises. I wasn't going to type anything here, but there was all this empty grey space, and I don't usually like empty grey space. So I am filling it with empty white text.

Good Morning!

Google translation of the previous post:

And [tsu] [ho] -! It is not written directly directly in Japanese. As for [watakushi] with just a little idle fellow shank. From now preparation of work and the [wa] which is not the time when empty this time you write excessively. The [ru] it is to everyone vigorous? Don't you think? so if it is good. As for me however it is vigorous, as for summer coming gradually it is hateful. Insect insect. Insect insect? Is the air conditioner is and others the [tsu] plain gauze? As for feeling hot [toni], there is two with the 2DK apartment. The kana which is confined from July? DVD you will see? ;)

おはようございます！

やっほー！ずっとずっと日本語で書いてないな。ワタクシはちょっと怠け者ですね。今から仕事の準備やから今回あんまり書く時間ないわ。皆元気にしてはるん？そうならいいね。僕は元気なんですけど夏がそろそろ来るのは嫌。むしむし。むしむし？エアコンがいらっしゃいますか？暑がりトニーは、２ＤＫアパートで二つあるよ。7月から閉じこもるかな？ＤＶＤ見ようか？；）

A New Experience

Saturday night a German man named Alfred kissed me square on the lips. His moustache was much thicker than the other Alfred's, though. Come to think of it, so were his lips.

You don't have to read this.

I see that I haven't posted for more than a month. I can't think of anything to say at the moment, or at least nothing particularly interesting. Usually I try to post things that would be interesting whether you know me or not. This post will be an exception. It might not be interesting even if you do know me. But hey, it has a picture of myself and one of my good friends here in the Orient, so that's something. It might be helpful for those of you who have forgotten what I look like. And that is all. That is my post.

You Say "Kitchen," I say...

Recently I was teaching a group of children a lesson about rooms in a home. Most of them can read, but one is still learning so he was remembering by using the pictures. The first picture was a room with a bed in it: bedroom. The second was a room with a bath: bathroom. The third was a picture of a woman taking a turkey out of the oven. I asked him what it was. He thought for a moment and then got a big smile on his face, happy because he finally knew one. "Ah! The chicken room!"

Analyze This

Last night I was a gun fighter in the wild west. Except when I wasn't in the wild west, like when I was reliving a memory of the future. My father had given me two new guns, a rifle and a pistol, and I was using them with decent success, only it was happening many years prior. Most of the time. But I kept running out of ammo and having to use this big knife to kill before being killed. It was pretty gruesome. At one point I couldn't seem to get it right... just kept stabbing this guy. His wincing face seemed to be saying, "Could you get it over with, already?" The problem was that the blade was slightly curved, better for slicing and hacking than stabbing. I'm not sure why I insisted on the latter method. Anyway, just as I had finally managed a good one, the stabbee, who was my senior by five years or so, mentioned that we were actually brothers. After he explained about the secret of our shared parents and convinced me, I criticized his poor timing, took his knife from him and left.

Later I was being chased by a couple who wanted me dead, but again I was out of ammo. And when I say later, I guess it was about 100 years later, because I drove a car to a shopping mall while being pursued by the murderous duo. As luck would have it there was a big store specializing in hunting supplies. While I didn't remember ever seeing such a place in a shopping mall before, this was not the time to question it, so I accepted my good luck and went inside. Somehow I had managed to buy a little time, and I was confident that no one knew I was there.

Unfortunately, the pistol my father had bought me was very special, and the lady behind the counter said she would have to make the bullets one at a time, at a rate of about a dollar a piece, but she could be done in about 20 minutes. I reluctantly agreed, and shopped around a bit while I waited. My eyes fell on a nice straight knife that would be good for stabbing, and I decided I had to have it. Also I took a look at another pistol, one with cheaper bullets, but it wasn't in my budget to buy another gun. It was made in the U.S.A., and at $868, it was the cheapest model available.

Then I was in a small house in a rural setting, with a good friend. He was giving me advice on my weapons problems, when a crooked cop came by and started bullying him around a bit. I was ready to solve the problem but my friend restrained me. So rather than kill him I began mocking him incessantly. I have to admit it felt more rewarding. Somehow this approach worked for him, and he became friendly.

Then, while standing in the kitchen shooting the breeze, we were informed that we were going to sing a song, with the police for back up singers. My friend and I shared a knowing laugh when we both said, "The Police?! Oh, wait, that's 50 years from now. Ah! Shhh!" Not really the wild west anymore, but no shopping malls either. While we waited my friend and our hostess, the lead singer, shared a cigarette Lady and the Tramp style. I don't know what else to call it. Both ends were lit, even though one end was the filter, and they would suck simultaneously. I don't see how physics allows for this, but at the time it only seemed slightly odd. We had a bit of a panic because we needed something to give us the starting note for our song, and our backup police band would be arriving shortly. None of us had perfect pitch, and there were no musical instruments to be found. It didn't occur to us that the band would have them. So I came up with a brilliant plan. We would play the theme song to "Dukes of Hazzard," and then we would all decide which note to start on from that song. That way we would be able to check it again later, from the same song. I was really proud to have thought of such an inventive idea. How resourceful of me.

Then I saw myself on TV! I was sitting next to my cousin watching an American football game. There was a short interview and the whole crowd knew me and laughed at my one of a kind humor. Our team won, 42-0, but my cousin later commented that they played horribly. I took issue with this, but I let the conversation die because I didn't want to argue anymore. Also, I was preoccupied. I was thinking that if one bullet cost a dollar in the wild west, it would be like $100 now. That didn't seem right at all....

Then I was eating tofu and praising it's culinary virtues to a skeptical friend of mine. He said we needed to have the TV repaired. So I called my wife and son in our Manhattan penthouse and told them that Chip and Dale would be dropping by in the afternoon to have a look at it.

Pictures as Penitence

In an attempt to attone somewhat for my lack of pictures and posts of late, here is a link to a plethora of photos of my neighborhood, taken by a friend of a friend when he visited recently.

These pictures are interesting because they show Japan from a visitor's perspective. I have lived here long enough that I am rarely surprised by things that would have once produced shock and/or uncontrollable laughter. I am pretty dang desensitized, I reckon.

Also, they will have sentimental value for Billy and especially Gomiyage.

For those of you who have never been to Japan, welcome to my world.

Bonus points if you can find the picture with me in it. There are also a few of my good friends Ian and Ulala, who recently became engaged to be married. I was there for the event with my video camera trained on them both the whole time, but later discovered that I hadn't actually been recording. Oops. But that's another story altogether. Oh my head.

Click on the title of this post to go to the pictures! And thanks to "DJ Bolivia" for all his hard work. His blog is pretty interesting too; you might want to check it out.

"Not now, Honey"

I snapped this shot on a weekday afternoon in an underground shopping area near a subway entrance. At first I was afraid to get too close to take a picture, but I eventually concluded that this couple was not only unconcerned, but most likely unconscious.

Now, who can think of the best caption for this post? I will arbitrarily choose the winner and honor him/her by using the caption as the title.

Silence of the Ham

Sometimes I don't blog because I'm lazy. Sometimes I don't blog because I'm hazy.
This time it's been the latter of the two, sorry if I have inconvenienced you.

War: What's it Good For?

Last night I was engaged in a battle that I was lucky to survive. My unit had overtaken an enemy camp but they ambushed us. We found ourselves fighting them with their own weaponry. The trigger mechanisms on their artillery were a bit different than what I was used to. Instead of using the conventional finger-pull, most of their weapons were very modern blowguns. In order to fire multiple consecutive rounds, I had to make machine gun sounds into the blow-trigger. The damage created was less than desired, but the ammunition seemed to never run out. After what seemed like hours of blowing bullets, there were only a few of us left who were not dead, seriously wounded, or just too out of breath to blow anymore. It was announced that the war was over, and that a peace agreement had in fact been reached the day before, but that communications had been down for a time, sorry for the delay. So we had been killing each other for nothing. By this time there were only myself and one enemy soldier continuing to fight. Upon hearing that the war was over, we both stood up and left our guns on the ground. Gasping for air and filled with confusion, we wandered toward each other. Still filled with adrenaline, we both arrived at the same conclusion simultaneously: "OK, so I don't have to kill you. But we have to finish this." So we began hand-to-hand combat. As it turned out, my opponent was significantly weaker than myself. Perhaps this is because I have been going to the gym recently. He was honorable, though, and never tried to grab a gun. He did, however, find two dustpans with very sharp edges, one for each hand. I anticipated this, though, and made him pay for it by taking them from him and bludgeoning him repeatedly with the handles. I don't think he ever hit me once, actually. He could use a blowgun, but he didn't have much skill in dealing blows. He could take them, however. No glass jaw on this guy. He was tough, and he was stubborn, doggedly refusing to quit despite being obviously outmatched. I respected his guts, and decided to award myself a TKO before I killed the poor chap, and while his face was still recognizable. So I applied a sleeper hold. Oddly enough, he began to sing. His national anthem, I believe it was. I was impressed that he was able to sing so clearly in spite of everything. A real patriot. Just as I was beginning to wonder if I was failing to execute the hold properly, the singing abruptly stopped. I stood silently for a moment, surrounded by bewildered men from both sides all breathing heavily. I took one last look at my defeated rival, dropped my dustpans and reported back to my commanding officer.

Have a beer, on you! OR Terms of Embeerment

Right, so I haven't finished talking about Sunday yet. After church some friends and their friends happened to be in the same neighborhood so we met up. On our way to do a little sightseeing, we met a Japanese guy who recognized one of my friend's friends from college. It is extra wacky because said friend was visiting from Canada at the time. So our number increased by one more, as the Japanese dude joined us. As we were walking he said, "I saw YOU today too, at church." Crazy stuff, especially in a city of about 10 million people.

After the sightseeing part was over, we went to dinner. Okonomiyaki. Think of pancake batter with a lot of cabbage and some meat in it, cooked then covered with a Japanese sauce and mayonnaise. Yummy. Then we proceeded to one of our favorite bars. By some miracle there was room for all six of us to sit side by side at the counter. But I still ended up talking to strangers instead. I have a tendency to do that. There were three Marines who were out letting off some steam for the night. I didn't talk to them much, but they didn't know the town, and we were all planning to go to a big party next, so I mentioned it to them. They were keen to join, so now we were nine. I was actually torn between catching the last train home and staying out, but since everyone seemed up for the party I decided to go with the flow. Perhaps Japan is teaching me about conformity. But as we were walking, the five people I was with originally ALL decided to go home instead of to the party. OK, no problem. Except that I had already told the Marine guys that I would show them a cool place. So I couldn't go home until the NEXT DAY.

Fine, fine, I think, nothing I can do about it now, so I will just make the best of it. Should still be fun. After a bit of walking, a rather boisterous taxi ride, and a trip to the convenience store, we finally made it to the club. One of my Japanese friends had invited me, saying that even though it was Sunday it would be a huge party. She was mistaken. The club had already closed. I dislike poorly written fliers.... So I told my new companions that we had been misinformed, but that I would do my best to take them to some cool bars, at least.

The ten minute walk to the next venue took more like thirty, because one of the three was randomly entering any place that looked like it might be in any way sexual in nature. So of course we had to wait for him to give up or get kicked out. When I realized what was happening I told him no more detours. I think the other two wanted to tell him that, too, but he outranked them.

This is getting long. I am getting tired of typing it. So from here I shall condense. First bar: Mr. Detour very social, his friends very chill, my Japanese friend arrives, we chat, I am thinking ugh 5 more hours of this. We get ready to move on to another spot, but first Mr. Detour has to add to his collection of beer glasses from bars they have visited that night. Apparently he talked the bartender into giving him one, because he walked out drinking from it. Later he puts it into his bag which is already full of similar items, most of which were, I think, obtained legally.

Next bar: Bartender and Mr. Detour do not get along. Mr. D asks me directions to the train station. I refuse to tell him because he is now in the advanced stages of drunk-think, and there are no trains for hours. One of his friends, who has been thanking me repeatedly for my patience, does so again and says not to worry, he will take care of him. I believe him and return to my seat. Meanwhile my Japanese friend informs me that Mr. D has busy hands. I solve this problem by telling him that her father is in the Japanese mafia and thus she is better left alone. This strategy is effective until Mr. D forgets what I had said, but by then he and his friends are leaving to find a hotel anyway.

I don't have a problem with Marines in particular or with the three young men from Sunday night. They all seemed like nice enough guys. I even gave Mr. D my hat, because his bald head was cold. So was mine, but I didn't really like the hat that much anyway. I enjoyed much of the time simply because it was an experience, but I was irritated at times by the effects of too much alcohol consumption and by feeling responsible for these three guys. But all in all, no regrets.

Still 3 hours plus until there is a train home. So we start talking to three Japanese guys sitting near us. Rapport is built. Trust is established. Magic tricks are performed. Next thing we know, we are all getting into a taxi to somewhere. It turns out one of the three guys has a bar. So he takes us there. It is a little out of the way, but it is great! Good atmosphere, nice people, and it has karaoke! And on top of that we were his guests so everything was free (although we still paid a little bit when we left).

I am drinking very slowly because I don't want to sleep all day Monday, but I am having fun just talking and observing. At one point I stand up and my jacket knocks a cocktail onto the floor. Oops. The master, our friend who brought us there, comes and kneels down to clean it up, saying not to worry and that it happens all the time. Of course I feel bad, but I know it's not the end of the world. I try to get out of the way so he can have room to deal with the mess, but in the process somehow manage to knock a full mug of beer onto the floor, all over his head and suit, and all over a girl sitting nearby that I don't even know.

Apart from apologizing profusely I don't know what I can do. After getting cleaned up both of my victims are still in good spirits and don't seem upset at all. But I am still so embarrassed and ashamed, so I ask if there is anything I can do to make up for my idiocy. The girl says yes there is, and asks me to sing Backstreet Boys. I say that I can do that, but wouldn't she rather hear ANYTHING else? So she settles for "Bad" by Michael Jackson, "Without You" by Mariah Carey, and the theme song to a Korean TV drama, in Korean. Not only was she placated, but by the time all was said and done we had talked for quite a while and she and her friend promised to email me. She kept her promise and said we should all go out again sometime. I wonder if next time she will choose an outfit that is beer-resistant?

Birthday, Baldness, Bicycles, Buses, Beer

Yesterday was my half-birthday. I turned 30.5. Since my birthday is in August, I was never able to celebrate with my friends while in school, so I started commemorating my half-birthday in college. I think some people who remember my half-birthday actually don't know when my real birthday is unless they do the math. Others, including most of my family, don't know either but they can get the month right, usually. That's good enough for me.

In other news, I have no hair.

Except on my face. And my chest, arms, legs.... I mean I have no hair on my head. I shaved it. And just for the record I would like to say that I did it before Brittney.

Last Friday I began my new fitness club membership with a vigorous workout before going to teach in the morning. I was feeling energized and admittedly a bit proud of myself when I walked outside. But those feelings were soon replaced with irritation and disappointment. My bicycle was gone. Either stolen or impounded by the city for parking on the sidewalk. I don't know yet which one. This is probably the fourth time Japan has taken one of my bicycles. But it will be the first time I pay the $25 U.S. to get one back. That is, if in fact it was the city that took it. And yes, it was locked. So I had to walk to work and then back home, but oh well.

Then on Saturday night I did the almost unthinkable. I stayed home. I wanted to get up early and try a new church on Sunday. It was really hard for me, but somehow I managed. I stepped out into the frigid morning at about the same time I would usually be coming home on a Sunday. I rode my mountain bike, since my other bicycle is M.I.A., and proceeded promptly to wreck it. To add to the fun, I was almost hit by a taxi in the process. The rain had made the streets really slick--a fact that I did not notice until I tried to make a fast left turn against traffic onto a one-way street. The taxi driver and passengers were not amused, even though I tried to be, uh, funny about it. Cold, hard stares of derision. Anyway, the chain was off my bike so I had to push it the rest of the way. I parked at the place where I work in order to avoid losing another two-wheeled friend to bureaucracy. I finally got to the train station, rode to the stop nearest the church, and then walked to the place where the shuttle buses come. I was two minutes late. No bus came. So I went to a coffee shop and read for an hour or so and then walked back down the hill to wait for either of two shuttles to the next service. I was 15 minutes early and waited an extra 15 minutes after the scheduled arrival time, but no bus came. So I went back home. Fortunately I made it to another church in the afternoon. But that's not really the point of this story. The point is: Grrrr.

But some good news is that, thanks to Valentine's Day, I now have lots of chocolate, my iPod still works after all (I was worried it might be broken), and bald is beautiful.

Sometime in the next few days I suppose I will write about the rest of Sunday, and how spilling beer all over a girl is a good way to start a conversation.

Really, it works. If she still talks to you, she is probably really worth getting to know. If she doesn't, well you probably just saved yourself a lot of time.

Spelunking at Home

today i found a whole other room in my apartment. i had thought it was just an empty space to throw my clothes and luggage into, but as it turns out there is flooring, a desk, a closet, entertainment system, a phone, an exercise bike, shelves... even a bed! i am going to try sleeping in it tonight. this is very exciting. i have moved my computer to the desk. perhaps this new location will foster more frequent internet use....

Hello Billy

2 minute morning

OK so i have to take a shower and get to work but i thought i would take just two minutes to let people know that i am still alive. though i probably look half-dead now since i just got out of bed. for some reason unknown even to me, i have been avoiding the internet. or at least i haven't missed it. since i got back from taiwan, where i would go out of my way to find a computer nearly every day so i could check my email, etc., i have been strangely unmotivated to touch my keyboard, even though it is conveniently located in the comfort of my apartment. i am pretty sure i need counselling, but then, i am pretty sure you do too. some more than others. right... so my two minutes has elapsed more than two times. perhaps i will post more than two times in january. but don't hold your breath. thanks for your comments. it is nice to know my absence was noticed. have a great weekend.