Doing My Part to Keep the Peace

This weekend I didn't do anything exciting. I was a happy homebody. I am not sure, but it may have something to do with the way last weekend went. Or at least Saturday night.

As I was leaving one establishment at closing time, a young man that I had just met that evening was disgruntled because some people (the staff) were being allowed to stay. He spoke of how he intended to voice his consternation through an act of strategic urination, the victim to be: an innocent plant. I convinced him, eventually, that he should refrain and ask politely if he might be allowed back inside only to use the restroom. His demeanor was such that I actually told him to be quiet and let me ask. I know the manager of the place, so if it were just me I am confident I could have happily relieved myself in the appropriate receptacle. Due to prior incidents and verbal exchanges, however, the young man in question was categorically denied reentry. I then found myself talking him out of starting a fight with, well, pretty much anyone who would be willing. More than one person was willing. He was being quite belligerent. Somehow I managed to get him back as far as the plant. I was wondering whether he would revert to plan A, but he seemed to forget all about nature's call when he saw a group of 5 or 6 guys standing around. They all happened to be colored, as he was, and this in his mind meant that they would agree with him about his situation, regardless of the fact that he was talking nonsense. They did not sympathize, but tolerated his ranting until he moved on.

I later met up with one of the gentlemen from that same group, and another young man who was somewhat vertically challenged and had only been in Japan for a few weeks. We were talking and walking, recounting some of the night's events. At one point we passed a Japanese couple. Apparently our number three guy had inadvertently brushed against the young lady. She decided to make an issue out of it, so her Japanese boyfriend started yelling at the three of us in Japanese. Two of us could understand; but the person in question could not. He simply apologized repeatedly, though he knew he had done nothing wrong. I finally started translating everything back and forth, while simultaneously giving advice about what to say to the young and confused foreigner. At this point the apparently irate Japanese boyfriend admitted that he had no idea whether anything had happened or not, but that the girl had said she was touched and that was unacceptable. I said it was certainly unintentional and apologized humbly on behalf of the young man in question (though in my mind I was saying something else altogether). This was not enough, apparently. We were at a loss as to what else we were expected to do, since we had already apologized profusely for something that had not even happened, essentially. Once again I apologized and explained that the young man could not speak Japanese but that he was genuinely sorry for the misunderstanding and meant no offense. Then the boyfriend came up with a new way to try to show his girlfriend what a great catch he was. (This entire episode, after all, was obviously her attempt to test and manipulate him, and his attempt to earn her affections by defending her 'honor'.) He said, in Japanese, "I can understand English perfectly, so that's not a problem." My friend and I translated this and, appearing a bit relieved, the accused apologized and tried to explain himself in very simple English. The boyfriend had absolutely no idea what he was saying except for "I'm sorry", but feigned comprehension. He was showing no sign of letting up, and the girlfriend was doing her best to act angry (pretty convincing, actually). He then called some names and made some more belittling and slightly racist statements. Then he asked, "Are you drunk?" in Japanese. I don't know why, but our little friend understood this Japanese and began to say no. I stopped him immediately and said, "Yes, he is VERY drunk. He had way too much to drink. He is a weak drinker and he can't even walk straight and we were just making sure he got home O.K." or something to that effect. I told him with my eyes to play along. He did. The boyfriend immediately turned, said something under his breath and walked away. We did the same.

Analysis: The boyfriend wanted to prove himself to his(?) girl. She wanted to test him and also see how much control she could exert over him. He did not want to fight, but he had to appear that he was willing to fight for her if necessary. There were three of us. It would have been a lost cause. He knew this and so did we. But, because of our experience in Japan, and because it is almost never worth it to get into physical confrontation if it can be avoided, we took the path that allowed the boyfriend to save face. By saying our friend was extremely drunk, we gave the boyfriend the opportunity to get in the last word but also to walk away, since a drunk man in Japan is not considered completely accountable for his actions. I don't know if the girlfriend was satisfied, and I don't care.

For the following thirty minutes we tried to explain what had just happened to our friend. Of course he was bewildered and angry, and for a while was becoming increasingly so. I can't say that I blame him too much. It was nothing personal but it would upset anyone. He was simply in the wrong place at the wrong time. Dare I say, though, that on this night he was with the right people? I would like to think so.

This was one example of my cultural understanding being enough to prove helpful in a difficult situation. Stay tuned for a rather frustrating anecdote about how being misunderstood created a very difficult and in fact, irredeemable, situation where one did not before exist. Some people!!!