Little Spurt of Nationalistic Pride?

Japanese, I am not. But cheer heartily, I do. And did. I kept hoping my downstairs neighbors were watching the games too, so that my outbursts would be not only tolerated but perhaps even enjoyed.

The first ever World Baseball Classic is over, and somehow Japan emerged on top. Thanks to J.K. I knew when the games were and on what channels. And thanks to a perfectly timed national holiday I was able to stay home and watch the final. It was awesome.

Between the Torino Olympics and now the WBC, I have discovered something about myself. I have some deep emotions about Japan. I love my own country, but I cheered for Japan with more fervor. A lot more. I suppose the underdog mentality has something to do with it as well. I had a similar epiphany when I went to Rome for ten days last year. Two of my happiest moments were when I saw a Japanese tour group and when I practiced speaking a little putonghua with the staff of a Chinese restaurant.

I miss my friends and family, and the ease with which everything can be done, the variety, the convenience, the bigness. But I still have no plans of leaving Asia. Then again I have no plans of staying, either. I have no plan at all. Nothing concrete anyway. I'll be sure to let you know when clarity comes. Until such time, I am happy to say that even in my most ambiguous wandering, life continues to be interesting. One thing I like about being here is that I am getting an education almost without trying. I used to bring home report cards with straight A's with a note at the bottom, "Hack does not apply himself." My thinking went that if I got an A, why should I expend energy beyond that? There were other things to do, after all.... I don't know that that was the right attitude, but it seems to have found a foothold in my personality, which is sometimes not such a good thing. But being aware of it, I have tried to put myself in situations where I either have no choice but to apply myself, or where there is so much mental sunlight and water that I grow regardless of my own laziness. Any effort on my part only provides fertilizer.

Speaking of fertilizer, a surprisingly high percentage of Japanese homes still lack flushing toilets. Until not long ago, many families had buckets designated for that purpose, which were put outside in the evening and collected for use as fertilizer. "Night Soil" it was called.

I will not attempt to analogize further on that point. Not now that all my efforts have turned to sh*t. I will say however that I have been feeling personally convicted that I should do more and try harder, in general. Of course that will be easier to do when it isn't so frickin' cold.

Excuses, excuses. Actually I am reading a book (well, I started reading it anyway) to help me with personal motivation and performance. I had this conversation with a friend a week or so ago, and now I ask you: Why is it that I feel slightly embarrassed to tell anyone that? Is this just my own personal insecurity, or do other people feel that way, too? Like you don't want to put any of your "self-help" books on the shelf where any guest might see and discover you are in fact not yet a perfect human being. Actually I am comfortable with vagueness. I just don't want to mention titles, authors, or specific subjects. That is, I don't mind saying I have problems, but I don't want to tell anyone what they are. After all, I wouldn't want anyone to know too much about me.... huh? Maybe I do, but maybe I am afraid of the vulnerability that would come with it. Yeah I guess that must be it. We don't want to let people see us too clearly until we feel assured that they won't be frightened or disgusted or disappointed. So we wear masks. No? I know I am not suggesting anything even slightly original. I am just thinking out loud in my pajamas. Sorry if I got a little pop-psycho on your hiney.

If I were a car, I would probably be an early 1990s Chevy pickup. Durable and able to carry a lot, but takes a lot of fuel. Not so easy to handle, has some dings and is not as efficient as it could be. But I want to be a 2006 Audi all-wheel drive convertible. Sleek and stylish and efficient. Can go almost anywhere. Practical enough but ready to put the top down whenever the situation calls for it, and plenty of room for others to get inside where it's warm.

Wow, that is more self-disclosure than I usually aim for in this particular medium. Oh well.

BGM: The Postal Service, "Give Up"