Tonight as I was walking home I noticed that I could read the names of more than half of the Japanese families living in my neighborhood. I was very encouraged by this and I started keeping stats of my hit and miss ratio. This was good, too, because it took my mind off the fact that I really needed a toilet. Unfortunately, as often happens in my little world, my mind was drawn too far astray and as a result so was I. I walked past my street and by the time I realized it, turned around and got the key in the door, I was dancing. Not because I wanted to dance, but because it was necessary to maintain some semblance of sphincter control. Got a little carried away patting myself on the back and almost had to find a dark corner. But fortunately there was a happy ending this time. Perhaps I should hedge my bets and make a note of potential emergency stops en route to my apartment should this ever happen again.... I was never a Boy Scout but I am a fan of the motto, "Be prepared." I think that is the reason why I always have twice as much baggage as I need when I travel. That is until Rome.... Not again. Here I am blabbing on when I should be correcting homework, doing lesson plans, and writing a speech in Japanese. Yeah, the nature of the beast....
A tangent to the already tangential: While whiling the night away in Nagoya last weekend at a karaoke bar, I sang the song that begins with the phrase atop this post. Oh, and I was good too. Well, all things considered. You CAN name that tune, right? "The music is my life!"
Monday, June 27, 2005
The Birds
The garbage truck comes on Monday and Thursday mornings. I like to sleep in on Mondays, so I usually put my garbage out at around 2 in the morning before I go to bed. Last Thursday I received a phone call at 8:30 a.m. from my landlord informing me that some rascally crows had gotten into my garbage. Apparently the sauce I used to marinade the steak I mentioned in an earlier post was of interest to them.
It is a bit embarrassing to see your landlord picking through your garbage with plastic gloves on. Okay, more than a bit. But I had been very careful to cover the trash bags with the net which is intended to prevent scavenging creatures like those bloody crows from having a garbage party. Apparently the scent of my secret sauce was so enticing that the sly black birds went to extra lengths to get to it.
So today, even though it is really my only day to sleep in a little bit during the week, I set my alarm early. Why? So I could take my garbage out just before the truck comes, minimizing and chance of another trash disaster.
Needless to say I am not a fan of our local neighborhood crows' union. Yes, they are smart, they are resourceful, they are tough, and they even know a good sauce when they smell it, but these things only make them more of a nuisance. I wonder what kind of substance I could put in my steak sauce to condition them to stay away? Something that would make them regret ever tasting my trash. After all, if crows are so smart, they must be teachable, right? Like Pavlov's dog....
Ex-Lax? No, that is definitely not a good idea. Sleeping pills? Tums? Hmm...
It is a bit embarrassing to see your landlord picking through your garbage with plastic gloves on. Okay, more than a bit. But I had been very careful to cover the trash bags with the net which is intended to prevent scavenging creatures like those bloody crows from having a garbage party. Apparently the scent of my secret sauce was so enticing that the sly black birds went to extra lengths to get to it.
So today, even though it is really my only day to sleep in a little bit during the week, I set my alarm early. Why? So I could take my garbage out just before the truck comes, minimizing and chance of another trash disaster.
Needless to say I am not a fan of our local neighborhood crows' union. Yes, they are smart, they are resourceful, they are tough, and they even know a good sauce when they smell it, but these things only make them more of a nuisance. I wonder what kind of substance I could put in my steak sauce to condition them to stay away? Something that would make them regret ever tasting my trash. After all, if crows are so smart, they must be teachable, right? Like Pavlov's dog....
Ex-Lax? No, that is definitely not a good idea. Sleeping pills? Tums? Hmm...
Treasure Hunting
Why is it that, almost invariably, whenever I set something aside so that I will be "sure to find it" when I need it later, I can't find it when I need it later?
Sunday, June 26, 2005
Doing My Part to Keep the Peace
This weekend I didn't do anything exciting. I was a happy homebody. I am not sure, but it may have something to do with the way last weekend went. Or at least Saturday night.
As I was leaving one establishment at closing time, a young man that I had just met that evening was disgruntled because some people (the staff) were being allowed to stay. He spoke of how he intended to voice his consternation through an act of strategic urination, the victim to be: an innocent plant. I convinced him, eventually, that he should refrain and ask politely if he might be allowed back inside only to use the restroom. His demeanor was such that I actually told him to be quiet and let me ask. I know the manager of the place, so if it were just me I am confident I could have happily relieved myself in the appropriate receptacle. Due to prior incidents and verbal exchanges, however, the young man in question was categorically denied reentry. I then found myself talking him out of starting a fight with, well, pretty much anyone who would be willing. More than one person was willing. He was being quite belligerent. Somehow I managed to get him back as far as the plant. I was wondering whether he would revert to plan A, but he seemed to forget all about nature's call when he saw a group of 5 or 6 guys standing around. They all happened to be colored, as he was, and this in his mind meant that they would agree with him about his situation, regardless of the fact that he was talking nonsense. They did not sympathize, but tolerated his ranting until he moved on.
I later met up with one of the gentlemen from that same group, and another young man who was somewhat vertically challenged and had only been in Japan for a few weeks. We were talking and walking, recounting some of the night's events. At one point we passed a Japanese couple. Apparently our number three guy had inadvertently brushed against the young lady. She decided to make an issue out of it, so her Japanese boyfriend started yelling at the three of us in Japanese. Two of us could understand; but the person in question could not. He simply apologized repeatedly, though he knew he had done nothing wrong. I finally started translating everything back and forth, while simultaneously giving advice about what to say to the young and confused foreigner. At this point the apparently irate Japanese boyfriend admitted that he had no idea whether anything had happened or not, but that the girl had said she was touched and that was unacceptable. I said it was certainly unintentional and apologized humbly on behalf of the young man in question (though in my mind I was saying something else altogether). This was not enough, apparently. We were at a loss as to what else we were expected to do, since we had already apologized profusely for something that had not even happened, essentially. Once again I apologized and explained that the young man could not speak Japanese but that he was genuinely sorry for the misunderstanding and meant no offense. Then the boyfriend came up with a new way to try to show his girlfriend what a great catch he was. (This entire episode, after all, was obviously her attempt to test and manipulate him, and his attempt to earn her affections by defending her 'honor'.) He said, in Japanese, "I can understand English perfectly, so that's not a problem." My friend and I translated this and, appearing a bit relieved, the accused apologized and tried to explain himself in very simple English. The boyfriend had absolutely no idea what he was saying except for "I'm sorry", but feigned comprehension. He was showing no sign of letting up, and the girlfriend was doing her best to act angry (pretty convincing, actually). He then called some names and made some more belittling and slightly racist statements. Then he asked, "Are you drunk?" in Japanese. I don't know why, but our little friend understood this Japanese and began to say no. I stopped him immediately and said, "Yes, he is VERY drunk. He had way too much to drink. He is a weak drinker and he can't even walk straight and we were just making sure he got home O.K." or something to that effect. I told him with my eyes to play along. He did. The boyfriend immediately turned, said something under his breath and walked away. We did the same.
Analysis: The boyfriend wanted to prove himself to his(?) girl. She wanted to test him and also see how much control she could exert over him. He did not want to fight, but he had to appear that he was willing to fight for her if necessary. There were three of us. It would have been a lost cause. He knew this and so did we. But, because of our experience in Japan, and because it is almost never worth it to get into physical confrontation if it can be avoided, we took the path that allowed the boyfriend to save face. By saying our friend was extremely drunk, we gave the boyfriend the opportunity to get in the last word but also to walk away, since a drunk man in Japan is not considered completely accountable for his actions. I don't know if the girlfriend was satisfied, and I don't care.
For the following thirty minutes we tried to explain what had just happened to our friend. Of course he was bewildered and angry, and for a while was becoming increasingly so. I can't say that I blame him too much. It was nothing personal but it would upset anyone. He was simply in the wrong place at the wrong time. Dare I say, though, that on this night he was with the right people? I would like to think so.
This was one example of my cultural understanding being enough to prove helpful in a difficult situation. Stay tuned for a rather frustrating anecdote about how being misunderstood created a very difficult and in fact, irredeemable, situation where one did not before exist. Some people!!!
As I was leaving one establishment at closing time, a young man that I had just met that evening was disgruntled because some people (the staff) were being allowed to stay. He spoke of how he intended to voice his consternation through an act of strategic urination, the victim to be: an innocent plant. I convinced him, eventually, that he should refrain and ask politely if he might be allowed back inside only to use the restroom. His demeanor was such that I actually told him to be quiet and let me ask. I know the manager of the place, so if it were just me I am confident I could have happily relieved myself in the appropriate receptacle. Due to prior incidents and verbal exchanges, however, the young man in question was categorically denied reentry. I then found myself talking him out of starting a fight with, well, pretty much anyone who would be willing. More than one person was willing. He was being quite belligerent. Somehow I managed to get him back as far as the plant. I was wondering whether he would revert to plan A, but he seemed to forget all about nature's call when he saw a group of 5 or 6 guys standing around. They all happened to be colored, as he was, and this in his mind meant that they would agree with him about his situation, regardless of the fact that he was talking nonsense. They did not sympathize, but tolerated his ranting until he moved on.
I later met up with one of the gentlemen from that same group, and another young man who was somewhat vertically challenged and had only been in Japan for a few weeks. We were talking and walking, recounting some of the night's events. At one point we passed a Japanese couple. Apparently our number three guy had inadvertently brushed against the young lady. She decided to make an issue out of it, so her Japanese boyfriend started yelling at the three of us in Japanese. Two of us could understand; but the person in question could not. He simply apologized repeatedly, though he knew he had done nothing wrong. I finally started translating everything back and forth, while simultaneously giving advice about what to say to the young and confused foreigner. At this point the apparently irate Japanese boyfriend admitted that he had no idea whether anything had happened or not, but that the girl had said she was touched and that was unacceptable. I said it was certainly unintentional and apologized humbly on behalf of the young man in question (though in my mind I was saying something else altogether). This was not enough, apparently. We were at a loss as to what else we were expected to do, since we had already apologized profusely for something that had not even happened, essentially. Once again I apologized and explained that the young man could not speak Japanese but that he was genuinely sorry for the misunderstanding and meant no offense. Then the boyfriend came up with a new way to try to show his girlfriend what a great catch he was. (This entire episode, after all, was obviously her attempt to test and manipulate him, and his attempt to earn her affections by defending her 'honor'.) He said, in Japanese, "I can understand English perfectly, so that's not a problem." My friend and I translated this and, appearing a bit relieved, the accused apologized and tried to explain himself in very simple English. The boyfriend had absolutely no idea what he was saying except for "I'm sorry", but feigned comprehension. He was showing no sign of letting up, and the girlfriend was doing her best to act angry (pretty convincing, actually). He then called some names and made some more belittling and slightly racist statements. Then he asked, "Are you drunk?" in Japanese. I don't know why, but our little friend understood this Japanese and began to say no. I stopped him immediately and said, "Yes, he is VERY drunk. He had way too much to drink. He is a weak drinker and he can't even walk straight and we were just making sure he got home O.K." or something to that effect. I told him with my eyes to play along. He did. The boyfriend immediately turned, said something under his breath and walked away. We did the same.
Analysis: The boyfriend wanted to prove himself to his(?) girl. She wanted to test him and also see how much control she could exert over him. He did not want to fight, but he had to appear that he was willing to fight for her if necessary. There were three of us. It would have been a lost cause. He knew this and so did we. But, because of our experience in Japan, and because it is almost never worth it to get into physical confrontation if it can be avoided, we took the path that allowed the boyfriend to save face. By saying our friend was extremely drunk, we gave the boyfriend the opportunity to get in the last word but also to walk away, since a drunk man in Japan is not considered completely accountable for his actions. I don't know if the girlfriend was satisfied, and I don't care.
For the following thirty minutes we tried to explain what had just happened to our friend. Of course he was bewildered and angry, and for a while was becoming increasingly so. I can't say that I blame him too much. It was nothing personal but it would upset anyone. He was simply in the wrong place at the wrong time. Dare I say, though, that on this night he was with the right people? I would like to think so.
This was one example of my cultural understanding being enough to prove helpful in a difficult situation. Stay tuned for a rather frustrating anecdote about how being misunderstood created a very difficult and in fact, irredeemable, situation where one did not before exist. Some people!!!
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